Broken (in the past)

Good evening everyone. I am sitting here at my computer on another Saturday, while my other peers are out getting wasted or going out. Yeah, I have a boring life, but not boring choices. Everyday you make choices that reflect tomorrow. Remember that, it will come in handy one day, especially when are my age.


Today, I decide on two things: Feel sorry for myself. Second: Do something about my luck.
If you know me, I probably picked the second one right...Yes and no. I put both together to create something what I call option 3. 


Option 3 my friends is when you two both of your choices and put them together. Yes, It does work. I do it all the time. I came this far life with it.


I will give you an story that happened to me long ago...
On this date, two or so years ago, I was in a horrible relationship with someone that, to save their name and the embarrassing, I won't say there name, okay. ANYWAYS...I was with this person. I was so desperate...When I mean desperate, I mean studying the locations on everywhere I went. Trying to find a way out.I remember crying myself to sleep every night. I remember feeling ashamed of myself and the actions I chose in my life. 
In this point in my life, I felt that no one loved me, I felt used, also it felt like God didn't act like I existed. All my friends, I lost contact with them because of this loser. Because of this loser, a lot of my family lost respect for me. Hell, i lost respect for myself. I didn't need it from them too.
Music seemed to be only comfort, only up until when the song ended, my sorrow was back where it was. I wanted someone to love me, not use me, or abuse me. The mental abuse itself hurt. He made feel like I didn't belong anywhere and til this day sometimes I feel worthless. Every time I talk about this, it brings me in pain. No people this is a true story...Believe or not...I have witnesses that witness the nonsense I went through. When I first started to date this dude, he seemed like he was nice, up until he found out something about me. Something that was but wasn't true. It was my past, before I got with him, and he still acted foolish. That should of told me their that was something wrong with this mental case.

I will get in detail with all that later on in this blog. I hope this helps out someone that has been through this, Let me tell you you are loved. YOU are worth something. YOU are beautiful,regardless what or who thinks different. Every time I would smile, it was fake.  Then what made matters worse, I became pregnant by the man I hated, but pretended to love. My heart swelled in shame. My heart told me, "God never makes mistakes." I also remember people telling me that God doesn't put more on you than you can bear.
All the hardship, all the grief, all the self scarification I put myself through, I have to say was worth it. But I am going to start out the story from the beginning. As I promised I wouldn't put more on YOU than you can bear. I'm going to start the story out from the beginning of my life with his man that I hated, yet hurt me, but yet I am stronger because of this. If you are going through this, please don't harm yourself. You are loved. You are special.